


To All the Edwards

by AdventureAddict



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27936882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdventureAddict/pseuds/AdventureAddict
Summary: To all the Edwards out there, the hundreds, no, thousands, no infinity of you out there, somewhere. Because I know there are that many of us. To all the other mes I'll probably never get to meet - How do you deal with it all?
Relationships: Alternate Edward Elric & Edward Elric
Kudos: 13





	To All the Edwards

To all the Edwards out there, the hundreds, no, thousands, no _infinity_ of you out there, somewhere. Because I know there are that many of us. The universe doesn't fuck around with things like restraint when it comes to hypotheticals and alternate worlds and _not_ doing something where it could. One is the same thing as infinity in the eyes of the all. So if there is enough grace and understanding and weirdness in this world for me to exist, then I know all of you must exist as well. So you must be out there, somewhere. 

To all the other mes I'll probably never get to meet - How do you deal with it all?

Do you wake up in the middle of the night feeling like an anvil was dropped on your chest and you can't breathe? 

When someone you love pauses for a moment, when there's that breath of silence, that time just long enough for your brain to wander and scrabble at half-formed memories, does a silent tear leak out of your eye too? Do you sometimes realize your face is covered in tears and you can't explain why when people ask what's going on, when they worry about you?

Do you sometimes sit in the bathroom holding your hands to your head and just wanting to scream and scream and scream until everything stops, until your brain finally shuts up and gives you a moment's peace because it's too much, it's too much, you've been through too much, and dammit all, you shouldn't even be standing at this point, but somehow you're such a stubborn ass bastard that you're still here, still somehow alive despite _everything_ , despite it never stopping, no matter how far you run, no matter how much you cover yourself up in pretty disguises?

Do you sometimes wish the world would just somehow finally learn to understand, would finally see you as the person you think may still be there underneath all the trauma and hurt and screams? Because even though you know that, no, no one will ever understand, not really, no matter how many pretty words they spin, maybe they would at least understand a little bit more, maybe it would somehow be at least a little better than all of this. 

Do you ever sit there, wishing for the other Eds in existence like I'm wishing right now? Hoping you could reach out somehow and tell them that even if we didn't go through the same shit, I can recognize that pain and hurt in your eyes and _goddamn_ , it's so familiar. Even if I don't know your exact pain, I know how much it fucking _hurts_ , how it rips you apart and leaves you breathless and frantically scrabbling to try and figure out what could fix this, what could make it stop, why am I so damn _broken all the time_. 

Do you ever sit there and wish for a moment you could hold all these other infinite Eds in your arms, these people who are maybe the only ones in the universe who really know what it's like inside your head because it's their head too, and even if the story is different, even if it came about in an infinity of different ways, goddammit, the pain is the same? Do you ever find yourself wishing for that contact, just to feel a little less alone, even if only for a day, but then do you stop wishing for it in the same breath because goddammit, you would never want to wish this kind of pain on _anyone_? 

Do you ever sit there and wish you could hold these other Eds, and tell them the words you're too much of a coward to say to yourself?

_It's not your fault._

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, I have so many other things to write, and instead, I end up writing whatever this is instead. My brain didn't want to let me move on until I got this out, and apparently, I don't know how to finish writing anything without posting it. I'm too low on dopamine for my own good.


End file.
